He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
