wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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