If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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