i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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