TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Bring me that man meat
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize