I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
