The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
