ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize