What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
