hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
