I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
