I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Drunk is a universal language darling
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
