just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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