so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
