I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
