im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
