I want to walk on stilts...naked
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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