i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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