A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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