I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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