My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Need sex. Gaining weight.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
