i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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