i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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