New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
