She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
