Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
