nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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