I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
