Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
