dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
