i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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