my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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