I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
