I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
