Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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