i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
