You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
