i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
