Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
