OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
