Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
