There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
