Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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