Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
