I heard we made out
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
