Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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