my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
It was confusing and full of hummus
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We need a shit load of segways right now
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