everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
