just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
