Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Are my feet made of real feet?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It's never too late to be topless.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
