new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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