What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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