Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I think people are normalizing furries
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
