I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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