I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
