So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
