dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
