guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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