Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
