I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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