You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
