I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
