I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
