You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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