eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Is her dick bigger than yours?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
