Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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