Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
