Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
