sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
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