Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
