I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
