I want to walk on stilts...naked
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
