your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
