I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
