Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
