he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize