this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
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