I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
