I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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