She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
