i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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