Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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