the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
