Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
