apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
