my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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