Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There's always time for handjobs
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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