I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
