oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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