i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
