You really coming over, don't trick.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize