You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
