Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
