so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
