erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
