So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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