I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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