I could have mohawked her pubes.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
