This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
