we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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